This person seems slightly obsessed with my hair.

I’m a redhead and I like to crack jokes about it at my own expense. (Saves people doing it for me.)

For a laugh I even included a redhead joke in my headline.

Slightly regretting that now…

I hate those creepy profile pictures where the face is pretty much obscured by bad lighting.

 

I responded as follows:

 

The next message, in particular the last sentence, made it painfully clear that he had just looked at the pictures:

Stop talking about my fucking hair!! 

 

I’d had enough. I bothered to read his profile and once again – everything I’m not interested in…

I was very restrained here. Should have just said “Read the fucking profile!”

 

Please, no more hair-obsessed people. Although my hair is pretty kickarse if I do say so myself.

Soph x

 

Father of the Year.

Say g’day to this pillar of society.

It’s slightly disturbing having a photo featuring you and your child (even if the child is concealed by a skull emoji), with that sort of headline.

If there’s one thing I can’t abide, it’s people using their kids to try and pick up. Spare a thought for your children’s privacy, people!

Soph x

Fails in waiting?!

I couldn’t think of any other way to describe these but as fails in waiting.

Y’know, when you actually start talking to someone decent for a few days and then they just stop altogether.

Very annoying.

It hasn’t quite got to this stage yet, but replace the word “girls” with “guys”.

Soph x

Not even “hello”…

Yet another crappy opening line. If this is the way this dude goes about it, I’m betting his luck isn’t the best…

May I suggest a change of nickname to failing666.

Soph x

Well, this is a first.

Not sure how I feel about this one. Is it a “sperm donor seeks egg donor” sort of arrangement, or is he looking for a relationship as well?

 

Could be messy either way.

As it turns out, I’m already a mum and absolutely do not want any more children, so thanks but no thanks.

Soph x

In which Soph’s friend finds a whole new meaning to the phrase “I’ve got it firmly in hand.”

Tonight’s segment is brought to you with a little help from a friend of Soph’s Dating Site Fails. A fail shared is a fail halved, I reckon!

Everyone knows I’m a Grinch, so today is Boxing Day which is up there with my favourite days of the year. Cricket on the telly and cheap stuff in the shops, can’t get much better than that. (Although as it turns out, the sales were hell on earth due to the amount of people.)

For the first time ever in the history of this humble blog, there’s a picture I can’t post because it would be classed as offensive.

My poor friend was browsing through profiles (as you do), and clicked on what seemed to be a fairly run-of-the-mill, ordinary profile.

Until she got to the pictures, and found a photo which is commonly described as a “cock shot”. Loathed by women everywhere, and I have no idea how it got past the photo approval stage.

Let’s just say he had it all “firmly in hand”, if you get my drift.

Not all of you will agree, but I’m of the opinion that penises are up there with the ugliest things ever. And believe me there was nothing pretty about this one.

I’d love to know what makes men think that women will fall at their feet for that sort of stuff.

 

And I’m just like…

Soph x

We’ve reached the century! (Now where’s my telegram from the Queen?!)

This is Adam Gilchrist, one of my favourite batsmen to watch ever. I was gutted when he retired. 

 

Soph’s Dating Site Fails received its 100th visitor today. Thank you, dear reader, and I hope you enjoyed the blog.

I haven’t really given the site all that much publicity, but will be looking to ramp this up in the New Year – and yes, I can quite confidently say I’ll still be failing at dating sites by then. Plenty more stories to be had, I’m sure.

Cheers and here’s to another 100!

Soph x

Geography lessons required.

I swear the Message Settings on these websites are as dodgy as all get out.

POF’s settings are especially crap. You can either choose to get messages from people “anywhere” (Ye Gods, that could prove interesting) or “within 75 miles” of your location.

It obviously hasn’t realised that we run on the metric system Down Under, so 75 miles is about 120km.

That might explain why I get so many messages from the exotic metropolises of the Gold Coast and Sunshine Coast.

However, today I received a message from someone who claims to be in Essendon. Now I do know where Essendon is, as my late father was a mad supporter of their AFL team, the Bombers. It’s in Melbourne. About 10km northwest of the CBD according to Wikipedia.

And almost 1700km away from Brisbane. (Google Maps reckons it’s about 18 hours by car, and 324 hours if you walked. Fun fact of the day.)

After first working out that no, there is no Essendon in Queensland (in Australia there are plenty of places that are doubled up – for example there is a Manly in Sydney and a Manly in Brisbane), I found myself at a loss.

How on earth did that one get through the filter?

Wonder if the postcode got mixed up – Essendon is 3040 and there is a 4030 postcode in the Brisbane area. (Kalinga/Lutwyche/Windsor/Wooloowin, come on dooowwwwn!)

I guess we’ll never know.

Soph x

The new BFF.

In the world of Soph’s Dating Site Fails, BFF stands for Bloody Fruit Fly. This is a step up from your typical fruit fly,  as a BFF attempts contact across multiple sites. (Damn this place being too small for its own good.)

Tonight’s specimen is the complete opposite to me. Your typical party boy obsessed with cars, whereas I’m a workaholic who grew out of clubbing when I was 21 and would hardly know one end of a car from the other.

I should just marry my job and be done with it.

So when I realised who the message was from (I read the profile before opening any message), there was some trepidation. Then it was like, “Oh fuck, not again.”

I don’t own one of these mats. Yet.

The message was something like “Would you be interested in chatting?”

It was all I could do to say “I’ve already said no a few times on other dating sites”…

 

Soph x

In which Soph doesn’t have to say a word.